WWVD (What Would Venkman Do)

So my lovely wife and I were enjoying a dinner out together at an Italian restaurant. We elected to sit at the bar to avoid a 20 minute wait, which turned out to be a great idea. We had great service and friendly wait staff. The only catch was that we were seated directly in front of an unidentified pink goopy substance kept in a plastic bin on the counter behind the bar.

It was sitting right next to the espresso machine and seemed mostly harmless. When we asked our waiter what it was, he was unable to identify it even after he bravely put his face down close to it and sniffed it. I am certain that in doing so he may have caused irreparable harm to his olfactory system. Permanent damage his nose hair follicles at the very least.

He even went as far as to ask two other wait staff members. They also had no idea what this pink slime was. My best guess of the identity of this blob comes not from a scientific background by any means - it is purely speculation based on my nerdy affinity for science fiction.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwiH3ktcNfY

Yes... I do believe we have a highly dangerous ectoplasm sample here. I'm absolutely sure of it. If you poured this substance into that espresso machine and blasted some Parliament, it would start bouncing around like it was pogo dancing at a Sex Pistols show in 1976 and start spewing hot espresso around like nostril propelled milk.

You have been warned. This is either the beginning of a paranormal assault by ghosts, or a nicely played viral marketing attempt by the producers of the upcoming Ghostbusters 3 film. Either way, it was well timed to the spooky holiday.

Be grateful that no one is snagging your Swingline.

So let me begin with one of my biggest pet peeves. This morning on my drive to work I saw a compact car driving in the left lane decide that they needed to be in the right lane. This normally isn't a problem, but in this case the driver thought it wise to speed up to cut off a bus despite the fact that there was a red light up ahead. Needless to say, the bus driver had to jam on the brakes in order to not slam into this careless driver.

Unfortunately I see this happen fairly often and not just to buses. It happens to almost any large mass vehicle. It could be an 18-wheeler tractor trailer, bus, garbage truck, what-have-you. I've even seen someone cut in front of a fire truck. Mind you that I have nothing against getting around slower traffic, but zipping in front of someone who has a hard time stopping a heavy vehicle right at a red light is just reckless and in Sir Cardigan's America would be punishable by a good tar-and-feathering.

What makes this grade-A thoughtlessness is that these large vehicles are almost always people who are currently on the job. I'm fairly certain that you'd be annoyed if these truck drivers decided to impede your duties while at the place of your employment. It's not as if they're coming into your work and snagging your stapler from your hand as you're trying to bind a couple of documents together or holding your arms down to your sides as you try to flip a burger.

It may come as no surprise to you that this is not the only pet peeve I have with fellow drivers that I must share the same roads with. Another one that I consider most heinous is the lane change without proper directional signal indicator usage. This would also be a punishable crime in Sir Cardigan's America. You shall be lashed and banished to Texas, a place where I never plan or wish to travel to. Is it really that hard to flick a single finger down to hit that lever protruding from behind your steering wheel (where you hands ought to be anyway) to show some common courtesy to other drivers? It might be if you've got a danish in your hand or, God help us, chatting on a mobile phone. Which by the bye will also land you on a one-way trip to the Lone Star State.

I wish this could be the end of my rant, but alas there is another that must not go unmentioned. This would be of course improper lane merging etiquette. When there are two lanes full of traffic merging together it should go without saying that the lanes should take turns with who takes the lead. For example, if you are merging onto the freeway and as you come to the end of the on-ramp the car in front of you just scooted in front of a car to take the lane, you should then merge into the area behind that second car. Much like how the teeth of a zipper fit together. It makes perfect sense to do it this way and would perhaps at least create a partial remedy for some of the traffic.

So in conclusion, just show your fellow tarmac travelers basic courtesy because as it turns out everyone is trying to get somewhere. It may come as a shock to some, but you are no more important than the next guy, regardless of how much your Mercedes SL cost.